I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
