Whod you bang
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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