Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
