i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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