If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
