On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
