Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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