Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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