its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
