I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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