I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
