Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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