i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
