went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
