Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
