lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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