If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
