how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Damn victory sex feels great
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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