It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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