So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
