I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
