what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
