last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
