I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
