She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
