They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he fucked my hip out of place.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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