I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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