Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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