i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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