I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
