I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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