After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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