she woke up with a sticky ear
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
