Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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