From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
