I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
