We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
