That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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