Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
