it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
