She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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