when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize