I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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