I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
