before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
