I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
