It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
