Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
