I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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