She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
