I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
