I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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