hotel room ftw
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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