the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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