Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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