How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
