You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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