K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
