Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he thought i was a dude.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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