it wasn't lemon gatorade
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
