yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
whose parrot is this?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
