Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
