Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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