Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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