I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
