Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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