Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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