That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
