I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
